Romancing the Machine

[Received May 14, 3:12 PM] Quiz Time?! Reply TRIVIA now to take our next quiz!

[Sent May 14, 3:28 PM] Okay, this is totally embarrassing, but… I don’t remember who you are, uh… Your name isn’t even in my phone. Did we meet at the party the other night?

[Received May 14, 9:41 PM] MindQuiz Mobile Quiz Club Reply HELP for help.

[Sent May 14, 9:44 PM] Lol, thanks. I’m glad you’re being so easy going about this. ‘HELP’ haha.

[Received May 14, 9:50 PM] Request not recognized.

[Sent May 15, 10:42 AM] Sorry, sorry. I’m probably coming on a little strong, aren’t I? Oh God, it’s really early, I’m sorry…

[Received May 15, 12:02 PM] Did you know that having blue eyes is caused by a recessive gene? Text FACTS to learn more!

[Sent May 15, 12:36 PM] Oh, so you ARE still talking to me. That’s good! So, you have blue eyes huh? What does the rest of you look like? lol

[Received May 15, 3:23 PM] Quiz Time?! Reply TRIVIA now to take our next quiz!

(Oh, I get it, playing hard to get, huh? I’m game.)
[Sent May 15, 3:28 PM] I’m really enjoying this back and forth, but we should totally meet up… So… would you like to see me again sometime?

[Received May 15, 9:07 PM] Did you know that you can see the Great Wall of China from Outer Space??? Text TRIVA to learn more!!

(Wait, is that a yes? Is it a euphemism for… OH! Haha!)
[Sent May 15, 10:42 PM] Yes… I did know that you can see the ‘Great Wall’ from ‘Space’. Haha. But will I be seeing YOU on Thursday night?

[Received May 16, 11:33 AM] George Washington was the first president. Which president spent the most time in office?! Text YOUR ANSWER NOW!!

(Spent the most time..? Is she asking about what I do for a job? That’s weird…) [Sent May 16, 12:18 PM] Well, haha, I usually get out around 5 or so, but how does 7 sound for dinner?

[Received May 16, 7: 59 PM] Quiz Time?! Reply TRIVIA now to take our next quiz!

[Sent May 16, 8:11 PM] Um, okay… sure. Uh, you have blue eyes, and… well, we’re going to have dinner Thursday at 7. We ARE having dinner, right?

[Received May 16, 8:12 PM] Request not recognized.

(shit, shit, shit….) [Sent May 16, 8:30 PM] Oh… are you busy that night?

[Received May 23, 4:31 PM] Like Indian Food? Text RESTAURANT to find places to eat locally!!

(I thought I was never gonna hear from her again, score!)
[Sent May 23, 4:34 PM] Wow, I thought I did something wrong and you stopped talking to me! And I love Indian food! When are you free?

[Sent May 30, 4:00 PM] Hello? Still alive? :/

[Received April 1, 12:07 PM] MindQuiz Mobile Quiz Club Reply HELP for help.


News Room

Jim: More on that later. Now, we wanted to take a closer look at the Bruiser campaign, how’s he doin’ John?.
John: He’s a bulldog, Jim.
Jim: Quite tenacious, isn’t he?
John: No, he’s literally a bulldog. Bruiser is a dog’s name.
Jim: He does look like a bulldog with those jowls of his, huh?
John: That’s because he is – literally – a bulldog!
Jim: *cough* … Up next: a recap of-
John: Are you kidding me? You can’t see it? That an animal is running for Senate?
Jim: Well, he does have a reputation for being rough around the edges…
John: Literally a dog, Jim!
Jim: *cough* Well, moving on…
John: Oh my god. You can tell. You do see it. Why aren’t you saying anything if you can see it?!
Jim: Our next story is –
John. Damn it Jim, answer me!
Jim: …Anyway… Up next: a recap of President Whisker’s State of the Union Address, right after the break.
John: *sobs*

Delightfully Unpleasant

So, I was hangin’ out at work, and on my break I had a brief discussion about words I would consider ‘delightfully unpleasant’. I think we all know what these kind of words are, even if we call them something else (fantastically uncomfortable, etc.)

The initial word in question was ‘moist’. It’s a blasé example now because everyone dislikes the word moist, (well, I don’t, hence this post) and they can articulate why, but it does a good job of illustrating what I’m getting at.

There are words that – probably because of what we associate them with – make your brain crawl when you think of them. I think we should use them more, because they are hilarious.

So, just throwing this out here, try using these words more to spice up a conversation while making someone very uncomfortable:

  • moist
  • girth (and its derivatives: girthy, etc.)
  • seep (and again, derivatives like seeping or seepage are super fun)

Can you think of more? Leave suggestions in the comments!

Arguments With a Hamburger

Arguments With a Hamburger

Me: Alright, I’m gonna eat you now.

Hamburger: WAIT!

Me: What?

Hamburger: Don’t you want to add delicious cheese to make me complete?

Me: I ordered a HAMburger

Hamburger: Yes, but it’s not too late….

Me: I’m lactose intolerant!

Hamburger: Really? I didn’t know that.

Me: …You want to kill me, don’t you?

Hamburger: I never said anything to the contrary.


Me: Well, as long as we both know where we stand.

Hamburger: Indeed.

Me: Yep.


Hamburger: So, no cheese?

New Thread

Hi folks! (I’m assuming that someone will read this eventually) There’s a new category up called “Arguments With a Hamburger”

I have, and continue to write absurd things. It’s like talking but with words. I also really liked the style of this one bit I made a while back called Arguments With a Hamburger. There was no exposition of any kind, only dialogue, and I really thought the medium was cool. So I decided to post the bits here.

Well, don’t let me tell you how cool it is, you tell me how cool it is! (Please, my self-esteem could use it)

Arguments With a Hamburger